I did what?!?

In the Akatsuki Hideout one day Itachi walked up to Kisame and asked, “Where’s the tennis racket?”
“We don’t have a tennis racket,” Kisame answered haughtily.
“Well we should,” Itachi said in a smug voice.
“Well then go buy one.”
“I don’t have any money though…”
“Here,” Kisame said as he gave Itachi a twenty.  Itachi exited the hideout the way an s-ranked ninja should, sticking to the shadows. (Even though it is all shadows in there…)
After about an hour Itachi came back into the hideout wobbling around.  The group stared blankly at wobbly figure.  Itachi walked up to Kisame and put his hand on Kisame’s shoulder and said in a squeaky somewhat girly voice, “I’m a puma!”  Kisame said back, “no, you’re an s-ranked…drunken ninja.”
“Well you’re a fish,” Itachi said smugly to Kisame.
“NO! I’m a fricken shark,” Kisame practically yelled.  Itachi made a drunk like smirk and kept on talking, “I’m a monkey!!” Itachi then jumped onto Kisame’s shoulders and pushed his cheeks together and said, “you’re a fishy,” Itachi pushed Kisame’s cheeks together while giving Kisame a fish looking mouth, “Fishy, fishy, fishy!!!”
Kisame just rolled his eyes and hit Itachi on the hand.  Itachi instantly reacted and jumped off of his head.
Deidara entered the room carrying at least ten small clay birds.  Itachi ran up to Deidara and took two of the small birds.  Kisame gave Itachi an odd look and asked, “What are you up to Itachi?”  Itachi started to munch on one of the clay birds.  Kisame attempted to take them away from him but Itachi kept right on eating.  Tobi entered the room while talking to him self about how he is a good boy.  Tobi to busy talking to his self didn’t even notice the drunken Itachi.  Itachi walked up to Tobi and said in a drunk/stately manner, “I’ve known you for about a week now.  So far you seemed like a good boy and I think I love you man…I LOVE YOU!!!”  Tobi slowly backed away muttering to himself Itachi has actually known him, three years, two months, a week, four days, eight hours, twenty-three minutes and twelve seconds.
Itachi thinking about how to get Kisame distracted tossed a can of fish food at Kisame’s head.  While Kisame was turned away Itachi ran to Hidan’s room.  Hidan was in his room working on a new ritual.  Itachi pulled up a chair backwards sat on it with his elbows on the back of the chair and asked Hidan, “what ya’ doooooooin’?”  Hidan so busy in his work not noticing Itachi was drunk handed him a still beating heart as part of his ritual.  Hidan said to the blank faced Itachi, “hold this for a second.”  Itachi stared at it for a minute and swallowed it whole.  Itachi then ran away.
Itachi ran back into the main hall and bumped into Kisame who was holding an empty can of fish food.  Kisame burped.  Itachi points of in the distance and said, “Look!  Evil snowmen are attacking!!!”  Kisame pulls out his sword and said, “I’LL DESTROY THEM!!!!”  Itachi swaggers into the kitchen where Tobi is making muffins.  He goes straight to the fridge.  Throws the door open, grabs two bottles of sake, chugs one as Tobi sneaks past to grab four eggs.  
Kisame ran into the kitchen and yelled at Itachi, “THERE ARE NO EVIL SNOWMEN!!!  HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME?!? I’M GOING TO HURT YOU!!!” Kisame then ran up to Itachi and grabbed him by the throat, looks him square in the eyes and said, “You’re going to pay for what you did to me.”  Itachi took the other bottle of sake and shoved it down Kisame’s throat.  Itachi hiccupped in response.  Kisame swallowed the sake bottle and hiccupped almost repeatedly.  Kisame said, “why are there no more pickles?”
“There’s a cat in my soup,” Itachi responded.
“Not so loud the others peoples mights wants ones toos.”
They both head to Sasori’s room.  Itachi knocks on the door.  The whole time Itachi and Kisame are both giggling.  Sasori yelled, “IT’S OPEN!!”  Kisame knocks again even louder.  Itachi yelled, “HESAIDITSOPEN!!!”  They enter to find Sasori lying in bed, candles are lit and mood music is playing.  Deidara comes in through the bathroom door in pink lacy lingerie, looks at Itachi and Kisame for a moment, screams like a little girl and faints.  Kisame goes up to Sasori unscrews his head and starts licking the hair.  Itachi goes up to Sasori’s bed rips off the sheets and notices he has his girl puppet parts on.  Itachi commences on unscrewing his parts.  He unscrews the arm and starts slapping Kisame with it.  Experimenting with the strings he makes the hand dance.  He said, “I’m a puppeteer, I can make it dance!”  Tobi comes in and says, “I made muffins!  Tobi is a good boy.”  Itachi goes up to Tobi and starts petting him with Sasori’s arm and said, “Good Tobi.”  Itachi then grabs a muffin and chows down on it.  Both Itachi and Kisame go back into the main hall.
They both sit down on the couch with Sasori’s head and arm.  Kisame finds a week old piece of popcorn and starts feeding it to Sasori’s head.  The piece of popcorn fell out of the neck hole.  Kisame picked it up and kept feeding it to him.  Itachi turned on the television with Sasori’s arm and starts watching soap operas.  After a while they fall asleep.  Deidara having woken up from his, “collapse,” walk in to find the TV on and Kisame and Itachi asleep.  Deidara grabbed Sasori’s head and says, “He’s mine!”  He tries to get the arm from Itachi but he’s clutching it like his old teddy which is still under his bed.  Deidara gave up trying to get the girl part arm and draws on both of their faces and then walks away.
They wake up.  Kisame pukes over the side of the arm rest.  Itachi then puked as well but he regurgitated an empty sake bottle, two clay birds, a tire, a couple muffins, a tire iron, a lady changing her tire, half of Sasuke’s wardrobe (oddly the pants…), a balloon, a commemorative fourth hokage mug, a toilet, some toilet paper, a plunger, Sasori’s foot, fifty bucks and a taxi driver from Hong Kong…oh and the taxi.  Then Itachi fell unconscious.  Sasuke barged into the hideout with a towel wrapped around his waist and took all of his pants back.  The only other odd thing that happened that day was Deidara and Sasori came out of the same room together…